Today was a day to celebrate. Today my husband and I, as a couple, went to church for the first time in 10 years and what a magical day it was. I felt as if the Lord was talking to me through the pastor.
The pastor knows about our infertility because my mother is an important member to that church. When he saw us there he gave us the biggest hugs. Everyone was just so welcoming and nice. The songs, how hard I tried not to cry but I just couldn't help it. Seeing the love and passion the members of the church dance to and sang to our Father. Made me so emotional and all I could think of is how have I missed this and how sad I was for feeling so angry at him for letting my husband and I go through infertility, 2 rounds of IVF, a miscarriage and a failed cycle.
Today, through the Pastor, God told me that he is not letting any of this happen to me to hurt me or because he has forgotten about us, but because he is MOLDING us. God is Molding us to become the person he wants us to become. He is breaking us to get us to where we need to be and the longer we procrastinate and not follow his words, the longer he will be breaking us. And again, not to hurt us, but to mold us. When we are in pain, he is in pain. When we are in pain there's only 2 things you can do, either ask God for his help or to change you, or you can keep pushing it back and let the devil win.
There's is something that God wants from me and he is using me for something big and this is why I am now going through all this. Yes I loss a pregnancy that was so wanted and so loved, but God knows why it happen although I will always wonder why.
Today in church the pastor asked for anyone who needs a prayer to come up. I could see everyone go up to the altar and all I could think of was how badly I wanted to go but needed a little push. My husband who was right next to me said, "Do you want us to go up?" and I right away said yes. On our way to the altar, I could see the pastor smiling as the crowd was getting bigger and bigger. When the pastor saw us he started to cry because he wanted us there. The pastor went to each and every person and said a prayer for them, and there I was waiting for my turn. He reached for my hand around the entire crowd just when I needed it and instead of putting his hands over my head like he did with everybody else, he gave me a hug and let me cry. And he just hugged me while I let it all out, I felt someone giving me a hug from behind and it was my husband while the pastor hugged the both of us. He prayed and said, "God you know what they have been dealing with and the miracle they are waiting for..." After that moment which although went by very fast, felt as if it was longer and not for any bad reason but I think that it is because I felt good. That was not the pastor, that was God. About a day or so ago I told God to let me feel him and to hug me, and that's how I felt with the pastor.
I know that I still have a long way to go, but I can feel my break coming. I am not just doing this to see if maybe by me going to church God will finally give me what I have been waiting for. I am doing this for me, for God, and for our relationship, because when I have FAITH, I feel more at peace.
Thank you again for taking your time and reading my blog.
Love always
Gigi
The pastor knows about our infertility because my mother is an important member to that church. When he saw us there he gave us the biggest hugs. Everyone was just so welcoming and nice. The songs, how hard I tried not to cry but I just couldn't help it. Seeing the love and passion the members of the church dance to and sang to our Father. Made me so emotional and all I could think of is how have I missed this and how sad I was for feeling so angry at him for letting my husband and I go through infertility, 2 rounds of IVF, a miscarriage and a failed cycle.
Today, through the Pastor, God told me that he is not letting any of this happen to me to hurt me or because he has forgotten about us, but because he is MOLDING us. God is Molding us to become the person he wants us to become. He is breaking us to get us to where we need to be and the longer we procrastinate and not follow his words, the longer he will be breaking us. And again, not to hurt us, but to mold us. When we are in pain, he is in pain. When we are in pain there's only 2 things you can do, either ask God for his help or to change you, or you can keep pushing it back and let the devil win.
There's is something that God wants from me and he is using me for something big and this is why I am now going through all this. Yes I loss a pregnancy that was so wanted and so loved, but God knows why it happen although I will always wonder why.
Today in church the pastor asked for anyone who needs a prayer to come up. I could see everyone go up to the altar and all I could think of was how badly I wanted to go but needed a little push. My husband who was right next to me said, "Do you want us to go up?" and I right away said yes. On our way to the altar, I could see the pastor smiling as the crowd was getting bigger and bigger. When the pastor saw us he started to cry because he wanted us there. The pastor went to each and every person and said a prayer for them, and there I was waiting for my turn. He reached for my hand around the entire crowd just when I needed it and instead of putting his hands over my head like he did with everybody else, he gave me a hug and let me cry. And he just hugged me while I let it all out, I felt someone giving me a hug from behind and it was my husband while the pastor hugged the both of us. He prayed and said, "God you know what they have been dealing with and the miracle they are waiting for..." After that moment which although went by very fast, felt as if it was longer and not for any bad reason but I think that it is because I felt good. That was not the pastor, that was God. About a day or so ago I told God to let me feel him and to hug me, and that's how I felt with the pastor.
I know that I still have a long way to go, but I can feel my break coming. I am not just doing this to see if maybe by me going to church God will finally give me what I have been waiting for. I am doing this for me, for God, and for our relationship, because when I have FAITH, I feel more at peace.
Thank you again for taking your time and reading my blog.
Love always
Gigi